


The Truth May Vary

by GallicGalaxy



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: Don't Examine This Too Closely, Don't Judge Me, Evil Lair Sex, Fanfiction archaeology made this possible, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Regret, Smut, This is partially old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3326570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallicGalaxy/pseuds/GallicGalaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old, pretty much just smut fanfic once buried deep in the halls of regret has been unearthed and given new life, for some reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth May Vary

**Author's Note:**

> *Clears throat* I wrote this. And then I didn't finish it. I left it to rot in the 'pit of forgotten regrets' (A.k.a. the folder with all my fanfics in it), and didn't touch it for quite a while until a fanfiction archaeology expedition uncovered it and was like 'Oh god remember when you wrote that Phantom of the Opera fanfic' and I mentally cringed until I started re-reading it at which point I wanted to throw it out the window because it was so much more well-written than anything I've done recently at all. Soooo some force of ultimate stupidity convinced me to finish it from where I'd left off and POST the damn thing so that the entire fandom could attack me, yay.  
> This is old. Partially. So if it's bad that's probably why. Judge delusioned, afraid 2014 me. But hey, at least I didn't play the fandom-popular 'Let's Torture Erik' game. Beforehand warning about: Unnecessary handwritten music at the beginning (I have no idea, honestly. I could've cut it out but I didn't), inaccurately comfortable sex scene (Not that there's any shortage of that on the Archive let's be honest), effeminate Raoul, incredibly vague setting, possible arbitrary eye color changes, reiteration of the fact that Erik is wearing leather gloves, probably blatantly atrocious mischaracterization. Enjoy!  
> Bonus points for finding the approximate location where the old writing stops and the new writing starts.  
> I really have no idea why I'm posting this. Second thoughts are weighing heavy on my soul.

“ _Too long have I desired to have another warmth beside me. Another voice beside me_.” A deep voice, the sound of black and white, sang through stone and candlelight.

“ _Too long have you been boiling in your own sinful need. Your own empty need._ ” Raoul echoed back, a perfect mimic of the ghost’s rhythm.

“ _Too long have I pursued one who does not care for me. Who does not want me._ ” There was that voice again, that monochromatic melody.

“ _Too long have I pursued one who does not care for me, but she cares for you_.” Raoul’s voice was rose gold, pink from passion and gold from nobility.

“ _Speak not of that-She is so cruel,_

 _To tear apart both me and you._ ” But Erik’s voice was white with fear and black with sorrow, white with gentleness and black with horror. Strewn with flecks of red like rose petals or spilled blood.

(Raoul) “ _Sing once again-Your voice is fine_

_To mend both a heart and a mind._

_A low tone, the sound of black and white_

_To break through stone and candlelight_

_That monochrome melody,_

_Sing once again for me._ ”

 

(Erik) “ _You sing of love, which I have known_

_To break both heart and bone._

_And your tone, the sound of scarlet gold_

_To stand so soft and yet so bold_

_That rose-hued melody,_

_Sing once again for me.”_ Erik was far from overwhelmed. He couldn’t bother to skip a beat, unlike Raoul, who stared onward like a statue. Erik’s eyes may not have burned, but they shot guilt like steel blades into Raoul’s heart, as though there was nothing between those eyes and Raoul’s tender flesh.

And in a moment, a burst of time, there was nothing. Lips, smooth and warm, hit Raoul’s skin. Right beneath his delicate waves of hair, just where his pulse beat through his arteries.

“Why?” Raoul whispered, not daring to look back at those deadly eyes.

“I have never touched flesh before, never been held by another.” Erik whispered back, trying to use the motions of his head to lure Raoul’s eyes to his again. “Because-“ He practically hissed. “I have been boiling in my own sinful need.”

“Your need for?” Raoul muttered almost inaudibly, his delay tactics not even fooling himself. Erik closed the distance between them and eased his leg in-between Raoul’s without another word.

No words. Just that look. Those eyes.

Erik’s leathered hand brushed the side of Raoul’s face, trailing down his precious neck and seizing a firm hold on his shirt collar. A fire rose up in the back of Raoul’s throat-A fire of predisposition and unresolved judgment.

“ _For the thrill on your tongue of stolen sweets…_ ” Erik did not whisper, or hiss, or even truly sing, but his voice was fluid, striking Raoul’s face and chest, warm, smooth, and deceptively heavy. “ _You will have to pay the bill…_ ” Raoul felt his payment already. He felt it slick and hostile against his skin, hot, scented and flavored, confusing and restraining. He thrashed his head to the wall, trying to escape this feeling, this sound which worked like marionette strings against his soul.

“ _Tangled in the winding sheets_.” Raoul uttered a weak harmony with Erik’s formless voice. He felt the winding sheets as well: knotting, pressing against his skin, locking his body heat in. They cut off his blood and his breath, dulling and heightening every sensation-Erik’s weighted breath, the wall’s rough coldness, the very taste of the air around him. Each grain, each thread of cloth was felt, getting closer until they bore into every nerve in Raoul’s body.

Raoul’s eyes had not been closed, but now he opened them. He still felt that horrible imprisonment, but he was now aware that it was very, very real. Only they weren’t sheets.

The cloth that pulled so tight around Raoul was naught but the clothing he wore. It was in that moment that his realizations chained, and he found that the sensations he’d been attacked by were arousal, and fantasy, no more than provocations brought on by the Phantom’s words. Every hard breath Raoul forced out seemed to ease Erik’s lips into a sadistic smile.

“ _L_ _e Vicomte de Chagny,_ ” His voice rolled off his tongue like a rich, fine cream, the likes of which must not have existed in the world. “You are just as lustful as any other.” Erik’s words were not an accusation, not a declaration, but seemed almost a compliment or condolence. Gently he lifted Raoul’s head with a soft touch to his chin. “And you have passed the point of no return.”

“ _You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge…_ ” Erik sang, his tone softer and lighter than Raoul had ever experienced it. His leather-clad fingers caressed the vulnerable spot just under Raoul’s chin, every slight movement sending jolts through Raoul’s entirety.

“ _In pursuit of that wish, which ‘til now has been silent, silent…_ ” How could he sound empathetic? How could he be so gentle with Raoul, so loving? And why was his music still so glorious, like some unnamed juice of love streaming down the curves of Raoul’s face?

His hand moved down Raoul’s neck again, moving his shirt collar away slowly as though not to frighten him. He placed his other hand on the side of Raoul’s face, which was all too much for him. Raoul ducked out, every fibrous cell in his being uttering a wordless protest. The sensation that pulsed up and down veins he never knew he had was not pleasure-It was some primeval desire that was far, far beyond anything his psyche could name.

Erik followed him, like a creeping panther, until they were right back where they were before. Raoul managed to slip out of his range again, his mind unable to form any sort of strategic thought. Erik slid up to him just as he had before, pushing Raoul further and further backward. Raoul was not aware, even in the dullest part of his mind, that he was being led.

Raoul felt something collide with his heel, which ruptured his frail state of mind and caused him to lose all mental and physical balance. Erik seized him and, if it is possible, _gently threw_ Raoul downward. Raoul was surprised to feel soft material conform around him, rather than hard, deadly stone. Erik was on his hands and knees, pinning Raoul by his arms and straddling Raoul’s legs with his own.

“ _I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge!_ ” Erik’s voice arced like lightning and flooded the room, now a living thing all its own. Raoul, pinned like a subjugated dog, unable to get up, was pushed into a panic. Erik had him. He couldn’t get up. He couldn’t escape.

“ _In your mind you’ve already succumbed to me,_ ” Erik continued. Raoul whimpered nearly inaudibly as Erik’s breath ran like mist over his face. He felt a new texture of heat fill the space as Erik’s breath fled; a new slow, wet feeling crept up the side of his face.

“ _Dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me._ ” Erik muttered directly into the channel of Raoul’s ear. “ _Now you are here with me-No second thoughts! You’ve decided, decided…_ ” The melody wound like the softest ribbon in heaven around Raoul, inducing only more spasms along his body. Erik seized Raoul with a kiss, a long tender kiss; and it was the deepest, most passionate, most heartfelt kiss Raoul had experienced in his life.

“ _Past the point of no return… No backward glances,_ ” Erik took hold of Raoul’s head with one hand, guiding Raoul’s copper gaze back to his. “Look at me.” Erik hissed, commandingly, but a command meant for some small, soft animal. Erik’s eyes pierced the soul as much as his voice did; they shot through Raoul’s skull and straight into the stone.

Raoul did as he was bade, his eyes still trying to dart away from Erik’s as though they had a sentience of their own. However, when he did connect to that painful gaze, the searing cold was momentary. It was followed by an odd sense of calm, slightly relieving, but Raoul was too full of lust to be grateful.

“ _Our games of make-believe are at an end._ ” Erik continued, his notes jerking Raoul to the very brink of his patience. Erik brought his hand to the top of Raoul’s shirt and unwound the first gilded button. The tiny piece of heat that escaped felt almost holy, the finest release in the world. Erik pushed the next button through its hole, letting another scrap of Raoul’s shirt fall open.

“ _Past all thought of ‘if’ or ‘when’, no use resisting_.” Erik quickened his pace, unbuttoning the remainder of Raoul’s shirt with deft fluidity. Raoul had given up resisting the moment he’d been pinned down.

“ _Abandon thought and let the dream descend!_ ” Erik fairly assaulted Raoul with another kiss, mixing the textures of their bodies-Skin and soft cloth, thick cloth, Erik’s leather hands and smooth mask, all winding among each other. Erik straddled Raoul’s legs and arched his spine into a luxurious curve, though still nearly suffocating Raoul with his weight. Raoul groaned like a tortured beast as his lips were freed, his thoughts devolving with alarming speed.

“ _What raging fire shall flood the soul_?” Sleek, tailored leather slid down Raoul’s vulnerable chest. “ _What rich desire unlocks its door_?” Erik’s hand crept to the upper edge of Raoul’s pants, his thumb teasing Raoul’s aching member through the weak wall of clothing. This overwhelmed Raoul, who threw his head aside, his entire form shuddering and convulsing helplessly.

“ _What sweet seduction lies before us?_ ” Erik sang on, slowly and amorously unbuckling Raoul’s belt.

“ _Past the point of no return,”_ Erik’s voice echoed off every last surface, resounding back twice as loud and powerful. “ _The final threshold!_ ” His hand snuck even lower, taking a tentative hold on Raoul’s member. “ _What warm,_ ” Raoul gasped for breath, inhaling only ecstatic and lustful air. “ _Unspoken,_ ” Erik’s heavy hand graced Raoul’s face again. “ _Secrets will we learn…_ ” A soft stroke ran along Raoul’s restrained shaft.

“ _Past the point of no return.”_ Erik’s seductive melody was accompanied by a soft expression, but behind it was some form of expectancy. Raoul’s blood raced in his veins, trying to keep every demanding section of his body alive. As tense moments passed, Raoul finally grew to realize what was expected of him. It was his turn.

“ _You have brought me_ ,” Raoul gasped, surprised that he was able to muster enough air to speak, much less sing. “ _To that moment where words run dry_.” Raoul steadied his tone despite the presence of Erik’s body atop his. “ _To that moment when speech disappears into silence, silence…_ ”

“ _I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why._ ” Raoul’s voice arced like ribbon in the wind, though he was not quite where the intended vocal range would be. “ _In my mind I’ve already imagined our bodies entwining, defenseless and silent._ ” Erik ran one of his hands through Raoul’s thick hair, keeping the other one curled around the base of his member.

“ _And now I am here with you: No second thoughts, I’ve decided. Decided…_ ” The very light in Raoul’s eyes told as much as his words did. He _had_ decided. “ _Past the point of no return-No going back now! Our passion-play has now, at last, begun.._.” Erik massaged Raoul’s cock through his pants, experimentally sliding some of his fingers beneath that outer layer of clothing. The sensation of leather on skin forced a loud gasp from Raoul’s hasty lungs.

“ _Past all thought of right and wrong_ ,” The two of them were truly beyond thought of right and wrong, to the point where lust overtook societal rules and conventions. “ _One final question: How long should we two wait, before we’re one_?” Erik nuzzled Raoul, biding his time before they could unite their bodies.

“ _When will the blood begin to race, the sleeping bud burst into bloom_?” Raoul felt minute wisps of air on his lips as Erik mouthed the words in unison with Raoul’s tune. “ _When will the flames at last consume us_?” As textured leather, dark and perfectly firm, moved slowly closer to his ever-repressed sex, Raoul rapidly lost the ability to hold a train of thought.

“ _Past the point of no return, the final threshold_!” They sang now in unison, making it a bit easier and a bit harder to carry the song.

“ _The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn ..._ ” Erik suddenly tightened his hold on Raoul’s trousers and moved them deftly over his member. “ _We've passed the point of no return_...”Raoul tasted the next kiss on his lips before it even happened. As they broke, time seemed to slow down, and they stayed still and basked for a few moments in each other’s warmth.

Erik sat up on his knees, half-exposed Raoul watching intently, if wearily. Erik graced Raoul with a sensual smile, pulling him up by his shoulders. Words formed in Raoul’s mind, but none of them seemed to be perfect enough to say. Erik placed his hands on his pants, keeping agreement with Raoul through their eye contact, and ever-so-slowly he unfurled his splendor.

Raoul had never been so close to another man’s sex before, even in his darkest thoughts. “Touch it.” Erik said, both an order and an offer. Raoul placed a tense hand on Erik’s shaft, his lungs shivering with nervousness. It felt stiff but still flesh-textured, and though it was rock-hard Raoul could still feel every eager twitch it made, and every throb of his delicate veins. A low sigh rolled from the back of Erik’s throat, an expression of pleasure and wonder at his first true sexual feeling.

Cautiously, Raoul pulled his hand along the length of Erik's thick cock, which felt like the right thing to do. Erik closed his twitching eyes, making a very strange and wondrous sound. Raoul assumed this meant he was enjoying it, so he repeated the stroking gesture, not sure how to feel about the sensation on his end.

“How will we…proceed?” Raoul asked, looking down shyly. “I… I wouldn’t really know how.” Erik stroked the back of Raoul’s head in a comforting manner.

“Fear not. There are ways.” He said reassuringly. “We are not the first to do this.” Erik gave Raoul a kiss on the cheek, knowing that his partner was nervous. Raoul felt Erik’s hands shake far more than his own against his shoulders. He wrapped his hand around Erik’s wrist and lifted his dark hand to his lips, softly kissing leather-clad fingers.

“You’re shaking.” Raoul marveled. “Are you nervous?” He asked with loving brown eyes.

“Yes, my…” Erik admitted, abruptly cutting off his next word.

“Your?” Raoul repeated expectantly.

“My…dear.” Erik muttered, shifting so that he took Raoul’s hand in his. A smile, bright and young, illuminated Raoul’s features.

“Well, my love,” Raoul began, his tone almost a laugh. “I am nervous too.”

“You...you've been with someone before, haven't you?” Erik asked with mild hesitance.

“I have.” Raoul answered in a soft, low voice. “But never...never with another man. This is something _entirely_ new to me.” Raoul cleared his throat, glancing away awkwardly for a split second. “I don’t even really know _how_.” He muttered with a touch of embarrassment.

“Well,” Erik said in a light voice. “There is one way that has been spoken of, which would involve one partner pleasuring the other with their mouth.” Raoul raised his eyebrows into an uncertain expression.

“With my _mouth_?” Raoul asked, lifting one hand to his lips cautiously.

“That is _one_ way.” Erik stated. “There is another…possibility.” He said quietly, slowly moving his hands down Raoul’s back and down to his ass. Raoul purred rather contentedly, adoring the touch of leather on his ass even as Erik moved closer to his entrance. Raoul’s eyes lit up like torches as soon as he realized what Erik’s hands were trying to tell him.

“Oh.” He gasped, searching Erik’s eyes for rogue thoughts. “You mean…” Raoul cleared his throat again, though he obviously had no reason. “But it wouldn’t fit, would it?”

“As is, I doubt it.” Erik replied. He withdrew his hands and took off his gloves, which only served to worry Raoul even more.

“Why are you-“ He tried to ask, but Erik raised a hand to silence him.

“Just trust me.” Erik rumbled, running his fingers through Raoul’s hair.

“Alright.” Raoul said, shifting a bit warily.

“Open your mouth.” Erik requested, laying his now-exposed fingers on Raoul’s lips. Raoul parted his lips and let Erik’s fingers in, though still uncertain. “Now lick those all over. Yes, that’s it; get them nice and wet, nice and slick.” Raoul swirled his tongue around Erik’s fingers, winding it in-between them when they parted. He licked them thoroughly until they were all well-lubricated.

“That should do.” He stated, withdrawing his fingers from Raoul’s mouth. He brought Raoul close by throwing an arm around his back, then moving his hands back down to his ass.

Erik pressed his first finger to Raoul’s entrance, pushing it in slowly. Raoul gasped loudly at this new and unfamiliar feeling, this invasion of his body. “It’s alright.” Erik whispered, stroking Raoul’s back with his free hand.

“It feels… strange.” Raoul replied, taking a firm hold on Erik’s shoulders. Both of them were new to this, both still scared and over-eager. Erik continued to caress Raoul’s back as he began to move his finger within him. Raoul remained tense and obviously a bit apprehensive, though as it continued he was more accepting of the sensation. Soon Erik brushed a second finger against Raoul’s opening and worked it in with caution.

Raoul eventually relaxed a little, actually taking pleasure in the massaging and scissoring of the second and third fingers. As they were removed, he uttered a loud groan against the new empty space. “It should fit now.” Erik whispered. “But, now… While we have sex…” The very word ‘sex’ sent a jolt of anticipation up Raoul’s spine. “Would you rather be facing me, or not?”

“I would like to see you.” Raoul responded promptly. “It would do good for both our nerves.” Erik nodded and pushed Raoul onto his back, intimately sliding Raoul’s pants all the way off his legs. Raoul took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Are you ready?” Erik asked in a tight voice.

“As ready as I can be.” Raoul breathed, looking at Erik with uneasy eyes. Erik picked up one of Raoul’s hands and held it tightly. “Are _you_ ready?” Raoul teased.

“As ready as I can be.” Erik answered with equal humor. Raoul wrapped his legs around Erik’s hips, bracing himself as well as he could. Erik kept a firm grip on Raoul’s hand with one of his own hands, and the other he used to support Raoul’s waist.

Erik prodded Raoul’s entrance with the head of his cock, shooting volts of pleasure through both partners. Raoul’s every breath was harsh and ragged, some quick and some drawn-out and wavering. “It’ll hurt, it’ll hurt…” He muttered, holding Erik’s hand as tightly as he could. Erik drew in a long breath and held it as he pushed the head of his shaft into Raoul’s opening. Raoul cried out to the empty stone halls as his body protested against this breaking-and-entering. Erik let loose his captured breath in the form of a melodious moan.

Erik slid a bit more of his length into Raoul, his ears ringing with the sound of his lover’s moans. “Are you alright?” Erik asked in a voice laden with various emotions.

“I’m fine.” Raoul panted.

“Does it hurt?” Erik asked with concern.

“No, not too bad.” Raoul assured him.

“Try to relax. That should help.” Erik instructed, idly playing with Raoul’s hand. Raoul gave as much of a nod as he could, inhaling deeply but still exhaling raggedly. Erik gave a few experimental thrusts of his hips, careful to keep them slow so that Raoul could match his breathing pattern to Erik’s movements. Raoul’s grip on Erik’s hand loosened a little, but Erik still felt each quivering breath channel into that hand.

Raoul still felt the subtle pulses of Erik’s cock, though now they beat against Raoul’s internal walls-A sensation both sinfully pleasurable and biologically confusing. Something primitive in the back of his mind sang to him that it shouldn’t be there, but something even more primeval had overridden the sociological aspects and was screaming for more.

“How does it feel?” Erik asked in a low, sexy voice.

“It feels good.” Raoul huffed. “I feel…full, on the inside, in a way I can’t explain.” He practically moaned, closing his eyes. Erik gave a deeper thrust in response, his supporting hand tightening against Raoul’s flank.

“Do you want more?” Erik rumbled, both lust and love weighing heavy on his tone.

“ _Faster_.” Raoul hissed, a sinful grin spreading across his face. Erik let go of Raoul’s hand and brought it up under his waist, now supporting Raoul’s lower body as well as he could. He quickened his pace, Raoul’s sigh of pleasure echoing in his ears. “More. More, love!” Raoul raised his voice.

“Not too fast.” Erik warned. “Let’s take it slow.” Raoul drew in another long breath and spent it all on cautious sounds of pleasure. His own member practically _hurt_ with longing, and strained for some kind of touch.

“Touch me, my sweet.” Raoul begged, grabbing handfuls of Erik’s sheets.

“I may not be able to support you…” Erik warned.

“I’ll keep my legs around you.” Raoul uttered on a fluttering breath that was nearly a laugh. Erik just smiled and wrapped one of his hands around Raoul’s cock, sliding it slowly along the full length of his shaft. Shudders of pleasure ran along Raoul’s muscles, filling his whole body with new, savory warmth.

A contented expression appeared on Raoul’s face, and the sigh that passed from his lips was one of nothing but love and sheer sexual enjoyment. To Erik, this read as an invitation, a provocation to go harder.

“Oh, my god!” Raoul exclaimed, not expecting Erik to push as deep as he did in his eagerness.

“I’m sorry, dear, I just got carried away.” Erik stammered, looking to Raoul for acceptance of his apology.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, no need to worry your heart.” Raoul soothed, shifting the weight on his shoulders. “I just wasn’t prepared for it.” Erik returned to his thrusting, pushing in slower this time, so as not to catch Raoul off guard.

“Yes, mmmn. Just like that.” Raoul moaned softly, his mind now welcoming the feeling but his body still resisting. Erik shoved faster, Raoul’s cries a brand new augment to his sexuality. “ _Moooorrree_!” Raoul pleaded.

“Didn’t I tell you to be patient?” Erik panted in mock condescension.

“I can take it.” Raoul bluffed.

“Are you sure?” Erik asked, knowing quite well that Raoul wasn’t ready. He kept playing with Raoul, seeing how far he could tease him by just barely thrusting deeper, or speeding up just for a moment.

Sweat began to bead on Raoul’s chest, like tiny glittering pearls washing over his skin. He synchronized his frantic breaths with Erik’s rhythmic thrusts, their bodies lapsing into a perfect harmony, until the point where they could almost predict the other’s next move. Moans of ardor rippled through the dark hallways, echoing off tight, glistening skin. Erik panted, pushing his cock as deep as he dared at once. He knew that he wouldn’t last as long as he’d like to, but he still tried to make the most of what he could do.

“Ah, it’s so big…”Raoul murmured, his face flushed to a rose-tone with both pain and ecstasy. Erik very nearly blushed at such a comment.

“Do you want all of it?” Erik asked lustfully.

“Yes!” Raoul cried, his body screaming ‘yes’ and ‘no’ against itself. Erik scarcely waited to fill Raoul with his length, curving his back into his forward thrusts, listening to the music of Raoul’s wordless exclamations. “ _Mon Dieu_!”Raoul gasped, holding tighter to the sheets than he thought possible. “I love you.” He whispered, his crystalline brown eyes shining brighter than they had in a long time.

“I love you too.” Erik breathed, his body wet with sweat and tense all over. “But I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.”

“Then…” Raoul began. “Then come.” Even the thought of the word sent a shiver through every nerve Erik had.

“Not yet, love.” Erik managed to utter. “But I’m close.” Raoul panted and tightened his legs around Erik’s body, feeling his muscles tense and ripple as he breathed. Erik drove into a part of Raoul’s body that should not have been violated, but it felt amazing at the same time.

“God, I love you!” Raoul cried, leaning his head back as Erik pulled out and dove back in again, flashing the world before Raoul’s eyes. Erik’s face contorted as his breath drummed against sides, dragging him closer and closer to his climax. “Don’t stop…” Raoul whispered, barely audible to anyone but himself. Erik thrust as deep as he could, holding a gaze with Raoul that was more intimate than a kiss.

“Raoul, ohhhh…I’m so close.” Erik purred, nearly digging his nails into Raoul’s side.

“So _come_.” Raoul replied. “Come on, get us there…” Erik closed his eyes and thrust as hard as he dared, though he barely got any further.

Erik screamed out a sound that was the essence of every blessing and every curse he could’ve sworn. Raoul felt Erik’s seed pour into him-Hot, fresh, and fluid, flowing back out as soon as Erik withdrew. It was this sensation, the almost living flow outwards, which truly pitched Raoul into his orgasm. His entire body racked with spasms as he came, showering himself with his own cum. He shouted every word he swore he’d never say, venting the pleasure of sin to any who might have heard.

Erik collapsed beside Raoul, the force of his embrace pulling both of them onto their sides. It took a while before either of them was ready to rejoin the world of the living. Raoul came to first, his eyes cracking open and trying to turn light and shapes into something recognizable. Erik was still wrapped around him, with Raoul's head cradled in the crux of his neck. Raoul could feel his breath and his heartbeat, both of which trembled just as much as his bones.

Raoul did not dare to move until Erik had brought his breathing down, and even then it was a moment before his eyes managed to open. When they did open, they opened as a iron door with rusted hinges: stiffly, wearily, and haltingly. Initially, they just reflected the world rather than absorbing it, like two earthen crystal balls through which Raoul could see anything he needed. He didn't speak, just let Raoul teach him how to breathe again. Raoul pressed his face into the tender flesh of Erik's neck, feeling his hot pulse twitch in a frantic rhythm. There was a primitive kind of intimacy that lay in letting someone else so close to something so vital and vulnerable.

Raoul's chest pulled and pushed against Erik's, telling him when to inhale and when to exhale. With Raoul's guidance, he became steady enough to speak once more. “Raoul...” He whispered, staring into the furthest depths of his lover's brown eyes. “Raoul.” No other words could form.

“Hush, love.” Raoul instructed, gentle and caring. Erik's hands twitched up and down his back, like they didn't know what they were trying to do. Those hands had loved Raoul like no other creature had before, and now all they asked for was to keep him there. A pitiful, desperate plea they gave, from a lonely and scared being.

Raoul did not leave. He hadn't the heart to do so much as roll over out of Erik's reach. All those hands asked, all those eyes asked, and all those wavering breaths could ask was _“Don't leave me alone.”_ The word 'alone' echoed through Raoul's head in a million different voices before he realized he'd actually heard it.

“Please.” Erik added in a voice that made up for all the tears his eyes held back. His lip quivered, which made him seem smaller and even more vulnerable.

“I won't.” Raoul choked, almost inaudibly. The very words tore the air from the walls of his throat and rendered him utterly speechless. More words seemed necessary, but Raoul simply could not say them.

In fact, the only thing that was necessary was his presence. He needed only to live up to the words he'd already said. It occurred to him that every hand Erik had tried to hold had probably let him go; every warm-hearted love had left him freezing cold. Raoul felt responsible for his plight, responsible for taking away all that he loved. He wanted to apologize, but the words were too guilty to appear. He choked on shame and sympathy, what would be words turning into sobs as they fled back down his throat.

Raoul could not sense the tears that were breaking through the dark walls of his eyes. They rolled over his numb face silently, betrayed only by the candlelight they reflected.

“Don't cry, my sweet.” Erik muttered, moving one hand to Raoul's head and petting his hear reassuringly. Raoul looked at him curiously, barely aware that he was actually crying.

Erik was not in a much better state, and as Raoul watched, fluid diamonds materialized at the corners of his eyes. “Don't you cry, either.” Raoul managed to choke, faking a smile. Both of them continued to cry noiseless tears until the sobs that fought against the back of their throats finally escaped.

And they cried before each other, without fear, without restraint, letting tears flood their souls. Every breath that was controllable became a word as they admitted to the other every fear, every lie, every sin, every last nightmare that lurked within their clouded subconscious minds. Their souls poured out with their voices until they were weary from speaking and weary from crying.

Eventually they stopped from sheer exhaustion, the combination of their recent unfamiliar sexual experience and the harsh pain of crying. Soon their over-exerted bodies dragged their minds into sleep without their realization. Had anyone been watching, they might have seen Raoul's eyes twitch beneath their lids, accompanied by sporadic convulsions that racked his entire body every time they hit. These would prompt him to shift in his sleep, and every now and again to whimper a little and nudge his face against Erik's neck or chest, as though using Erik to console himself.

Raoul muttered a few times, but whatever words he was trying to say would have been indecipherable even if there had been someone there to hear them. It was quite clear that the poor thing was dreaming, nuzzling into Erik as though he was using the man's sweet, musky smell like sage to ward off evil. Erik kept his arms wrapped firmly around Raoul, so protectively that it was almost fearful in nature.

Nothing marked the passage of time as they slept, and nothing called for them to wake up at any point. Raoul did not know how long he slept for; it could have been less than an hour or half a day before he finally woke up. When he did, the first thing he noticed was that Erik's smell still lingered on the sheets that caressed what he must have called a bed, but his warmth was gone. He was no longer there.

Raoul grunted and propped himself up, then noticing that not only was he clean, but his clothes had been returned to their proper places. He wasn't sure how he slept through that, or how he slept through Erik getting up in the first place. He reasoned that he must have been quite exhausted.

He tried to stand up, eyes still blinking, finding that his body was incredibly sore. At first, when he stood, he fell right back down onto the edge of the bed. There, he sat for a moment, brushing his hands through his hair and regaining himself. His entire body tried to resist any form of movement, particularly his lower body. God, it hurt. During the act, he had been distracted from the pain by the pleasurable sensation and the intensity, but now it was coming back to get him.

Raoul heard deep, elegiac music begin to play from some unknown source. It sounded like an organ, which shouldn't have surprised him at all. So, Erik was still here. Raoul stood up desperately and gritted his teeth, ignoring the soreness in his lower body as he walked, and tried to follow it to its source. It was certainly dark down here, and the candlelight seemed to generate more illusion than illumination. But he wasn't following his eyes. He was following his ears.

Raoul found him. He didn't know how, but he did. There was Erik again, the sight of him sending a flood of relief over Raoul before he realized how awful of a thing that was. Why should he be so relieved to see this man, who had so crudely lured him in and struggled close enough to steal him? This man who Raoul had lain with without doing so much as to ask him what his real name was.

Erik stopped playing, his dark hands suddenly ignoring the ivory organ keys beneath him, and his eyes drifted towards where Raoul's footsteps had come from. He looked surprised, like somehow he'd expected Raoul to have left already. Raoul stood as tall as he could, breathing calmly and trying to hide the raggedness in his exhale. Erik retracted his hands and strode towards Raoul, finally raising his head and striking Raoul with a heart-wrenching expression.

Raoul could see it in those eyes, those utterly inhuman eyes, that he wanted far more than Raoul could ever give him. He had fulfilled his lust for flesh, and at long last so many decades of repression had broken away and he’d finally been able to vent all his longings. But now there was a longing for something further, something more profound, something inexpressible.

           For love.

And Raoul didn’t know if he could love him. He hadn’t ever been exposed to this side of Erik: this endearing, lonely, oddly childish creature, who seemed like a completely different person from the obsessive, brooding, vengeful ghost he’d used to be. Right now, in this moment, there was nothing sinister about him. He was quite beautiful, in fact, and he seemed so...docile, so gentle, so insecure.

“What is your name?” Raoul asked, his voice practically nothing but a painful whisper.

“Erik.” He replied, and Raoul hoped he heard it right, because for all he knew it could've been just a whisper of water on stone somewhere in the distance.

Raoul reached out his hand to offer comfort, but what to touch? He didn't dare move a single strand of ebony hair out of place, be it fake or not. And he could not desecrate that flawless mask, that sculpted snowscape, with his fingerprints like footprints on an untouched wintry hill. But luckily, so luckily, just as Raoul wondered whether or not to stroke that handsome jawline and if it would actually comfort him or not, a single, nearly invisible tear began to roll over his good cheek. Raoul took it as a target for his hands, and he reached out and very delicately wiped Erik's tear away, as if he was afraid that as much as a touch would bruise Erik's pale skin.

He tried to smile at Erik, to brighten him, but he was just delaying what he knew was inevitable for one sweet moment.

“She will be missing you.” Erik declared, pricking fear into Raoul's heart with a voice that was utterly unreadable. He turned his unmasked side to Raoul, avoiding his eyes and pulling his face away from Raoul's hand.

“She has, already, I imagine.” Raoul muttered sadly, turning his face in the opposite direction. He returned his hand to his side, tugging at his vest because his hands felt very alone when he couldn't feel Erik beneath them.

Raoul knew what he was being told. But he wasn't yet sure he wanted to leave. He felt like he would be abandoning this man, who had shared the most important part of himself with Raoul, this man who had given himself over when he could've continued to stay pure and unspoiled.

Raoul wasn't the same, already, and he could tell. If it had been him as he was normally, he would've scurried off as soon as he awoke with his clothes on, returning to his life and hiding this fearful experience in shame as though it had been some one-sided assault. He would've received nothing out of it aside from a life of denial and questions he could not answer by himself.

But right now his heart felt raw, like a fresh wound that had just stopped bleeding, with the blood still hovering at the surface and wondering if it should continue to seep out or not. A wound Erik had carved into his chest without meaning to at all. Was this love? Was this what everyone meant when they said that true love hurt? Not that the one you love would cause you pain, but that love itself was a painful sensation.

Maybe Raoul's love for Christine had just been a foolish boy enamored with a girl he knew that he could woo with ease. It was the kind of love that held roses but did not feel the prick of the thorns, the kind of love that stood out on balconies and smiled fake smiles at parties. The kind of love that held down marriages for people while their souls slowly faded from endless contentment without true happiness.

Contentment. Was it better or worse than pain?

“Shouldn't you be going back to her?” Erik asked, not showing any part of his face to Raoul anymore. And now the beautiful emotion in his voice that had torn Raoul apart and put him back together was utterly gone; his tone was the vocal equivalent of a wasteland. Raoul looked down, able to feel the cold sorrow in Erik's eyes even when they were not directed towards him.

“I love you…” Raoul murmured, angling his eyes slightly like he was trying to look at Erik without getting caught. Erik sighed raggedly, like a breeze interrupted by broken wind chimes, and twitched his fingers anxiously.

They stayed silent, weighing their options on gilded scales in their minds. Raoul was still caught between pain and contentment, and which one was worse: not for one meager sidestep, but for quite possibly the rest of his life. Both were killers. Contentment was slower, and it seemed better in the long run. But was it really good to die slow, gradually hollowed out by artificial happiness?

Artificial happiness. That’s what contentment really was. Fake happiness that allowed you to pretend to be happy, and enveloped and masked guilt and uncertainty without truly resolving it.

And pain. Pain wasn’t really a replacement for anything, but…Raoul tried to remember a time when he’d injured himself, when he’d had a wound like the one he could feel in his heart. Remember how good it felt when the pain stopped, and the wound healed. Better than it had before, almost. That rush of relief...

But Christine could bandage his wounds, couldn't she? Perhaps. But she couldn't heal it all the way. Contentment would abate the pain, but it probably wouldn't close the wound. It might still keep re-opening forever, its pain bubbling beneath the surface. Christine couldn't fix the wound that Raoul had accidentally let Erik carve into his heart.

Raoul wanted to fall to his knees and pull on Erik's coattails and cuffs like a lonely child, and beg him “Look at me Erik, please, tell me it's okay, you can make it better...” But somehow he kept himself from doing so and maintained a gentleman's composure.

Until he felt the distorted curves of Erik's familiar lips caress his, at which point his eyes glittered with tears that he hadn't been warned about. Then, as soon as Erik's brief kiss had begun, it ended, and he turned away again. Raoul would have none of this; he seized Erik by the sides of his head and kissed him again, kissed him for what felt like forever.

He almost wished he'd had his eyes open so that he could've seen the look on Erik's face; the look in those eyes began as meek surprise, which grew as Raoul held the sides of his head firmly and kissed him even longer, before finally descending into what was almost tearful bliss. Raoul felt Erik's hands lace through his hair, and though his eyes were closed and Erik's hair was quite thick he could still feel how madly Erik was shaking. Erik's hands wandered from Raoul's hair to his shoulders, where he took hold of Raoul like he was afraid that he would run away.

Raoul pressed his chest against Erik's, following through with his whole body until they were bound so tightly together that they were almost one being, sharing the same rapidly fluttering heart, the same struggling lungs vying for attention over the kiss that they also shared. Erik's eyes slid closed, and he wrapped his arms fully around Raoul, not daring to break away for one precious moment. Raoul felt a strange, unfamiliar feeling begin to swell within him, right from where he'd felt that same sinking chest pain earlier. He pulled his lips back a little, making a sound that was either laughter or crying, and even he wasn't sure which one it was.

He embraced it,caressing Erik's hair and cracking his eyes open just a little. He could taste this feeling on his lips now, bubbling up from his chest and making him smile despite himself. Erik gripped his shoulders tightly, and Raoul could feel his heartbeat pound like thunder in his chest. Raoul was almost amused by this, feeling brilliant tears start to flow from his own eyes.

He pushed Erik over, landing on top of him, where he finally broke their kiss and nuzzled Erik, laughing like a little boy again, feeling this bright, airy feeling in his entire body. He felt like he could fly if he wanted to, like Erik had given him an angel's wings somehow just by kissing him. He felt Erik's chest twitch, and he made a very deep, wavering sound, which prompted Raoul to open his eyes and look at Erik with tear-stained surprise. That was a noise he'd never heard before. That was...laughter.

Raoul laughed a bit louder, without words, and nuzzled the good side of Erik's face. “Oh, I love you.” He murmured, kissing Erik again, quickly. “I love you so much.” He knew now what love felt like, like a thrill, and so many of the words he'd heard suddenly rang truer than ever. The thought that love picked with a blind finger who fell for who, and it crept into people like a disease and made them do very stupid things for people they never wanted to love in the first place. And the thought that it didn't matter to them. It didn't matter what they'd done or what they would do, because someone loved them, and love was a stupid, blind sickness.

“Why...” Erik began, like he was trying to form a question but there were too many questions to ask. And there were too many answers that Raoul could give. Because pain, when it healed, was so much better than contentment that it seemed offensive to compare the two. Because love chose who loved who in a stupid fashion. Because love conquered things that it shouldn't have conquered, and because it was a driving force for decisions that one would later regret.

Raoul stroked Erik’s mask, but Erik didn’t push him away. He didn’t seem to notice at all, in fact. He was just staring into Raoul’s eyes, uttering that deep, rumbling laugh once more.

“Your laugh is so _pretty_.” Raoul commented, nuzzling Erik and kissing his exposed cheek. “You should…laugh more often.” He advised, burying his face against Erik’s smooth hair.

“You make me laugh.” Erik replied, wrapping his arms awkwardly around Raoul, like all of a sudden, after everything, he’d forgotten how to show affection.

That bubbly feeling could no longer hold itself in Raoul’s chest, and an airy, effeminate giggle escaped his lips. It felt like the breath of life freeing itself from his lungs, leaping out into the world, and telling Erik all he ever needed to hear. He couldn’t hold it within him, he wanted to cry out to the world, so that every living soul could hear. _I’m in love._ He thought, while staring idly into Erik’s deep, dark eyes; they were like the ocean with a thin layer of reflected light on the surface, concealing the endlessness below. _I’m in love!_

“I’m in love…” He whispered, reiterating to himself that love was stupid and careless and that pain was better than contentment. Erik pushed his forehead against Raoul’s, and that last rendition of his deep laugh absolutely melted Raoul’s soul.

“I’m in love.” Erik repeated, his body forming a monochrome spectacle against Raoul’s. Then they spoke together, at last, black and white and rose gold intertwining as they were always meant to.

“I’m in love.”

 


End file.
